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When Your Adult Child Experiences an Upper Limb Amputation

Amber Henson
by Amber Henson
Oct 15, 2024

You spent your child’s entire youth keeping them as safe as possible. You sent them out in the world with hopes that they would always be safe. But now, something completely unexpected has happened. Your child, however old they are, has had a traumatic injury resulting in an amputation, or they need an amputation for some other reason. The news is, of course, devastating. What comes next?

It's difficult for both the patient and their family to gauge how much help will be needed over the coming weeks and months. Better to start with too much support and then back off than to offer too little. A finger amputation, while not the same as losing a hand, can be devastating, meaning a person could use some help with meals, errands, childcare and emotional support.

Suggesting things you could help with and offering to do specific tasks is more helpful than saying, “Let me know if you need anything.” Even if your child has a spouse, that spouse suddenly has a lot on their plate, and if you can help, then offer it. Making meals, picking up the kids, taking the kids out so the patient can get some rest, and the spouse can grab a shower — all these things are helpful.

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Our patient Wendi, who's mom helped her with many personal tasks in the weeks following her elective amputation.

Our patient Gerry (pictured below), who has bilateral arm amputations, has talked about how his family helped him after his amputation. He asked his mom, who enjoyed sewing, if she could make his clothes easier to take off and put on, with or without his prostheses. “I asked her to adapt some jeans and other pants with dress-slack-type fasteners, the ones you slide together, instead of buttoning them. So, she did that to my shorts and pants. And she put magnetic snaps on my shirts so I wouldn’t have to worry about buttoning them.” These types of adaptations can be just as helpful for someone who's lost one upper limb.

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Depending on the circumstances of your adult child’s life, you may also find yourself as their primary caregiver. This can be very stressful. One of the reasons is that in the months after an amputation, while they recover, you may be helping your child with many of their Activities of Daily Living. Once they start to heal and receive a prosthesis, they will, hopefully, become more independent. Having to step away and allow your child to struggle to do the most basic daily tasks can be heartbreaking. But it’s necessary in the long run to allow both of you to find a “new normal.”

If you are your child’s primary caregiver, please make sure to set aside some time for yourself. The adage “You can’t fill someone’s cup without your own being full,” and the instruction “Put on your oxygen mask first” are very true. This article by the National Institute for Aging lays out some good caregiver strategies.  

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Rachel, a patient at our Dallas center, has a congenital limb difference. In addition, she was in a car accident that further injured her limb different hand, and her mother helped her with daily tasks.

Possibly the most helpful piece of advice is to find a support group. Whether in person or online, finding someone who also has an adult child who’s suffered a limb loss can be of enormous help. They can speak to you about their experience, the ups and downs they’ve observed in their child, and be there to listen to what you have been going through, along with your thoughts on your child’s future. At each of our Arm Dynamics centers, we offer support to both our patients and to their family members. We are often able to connect new patients and their families to our current patients who have agreed to help others who are just starting their prosthetic journey. 

Finding an experienced prosthetic care team can make the difference between your adult child using their prosthesis to engage in life and return to work versus abandoning the device and stalling their progress. Our team is the most experienced upper limb prosthetic care provider in the United States. We fit our patients with custom-fit, comfortable sockets, and also teach them how to use their devices in real world settings. If you would like to meet with our team regarding your child, yourself, or someone you know, please contact us. If you would like to leave a comment, please do so below.

 

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