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When Your Spouse Becomes an Upper Limb Amputee: Jenny’s Perspective

Amber Henson
by Amber Henson
May 21, 2024

In 2004, Jenny married her college sweetheart, Jason. Before long, they were blessed with their first daughter, Billie Grace, followed by Cambell about a year later. In 2008, when Cambell was just three months old, Jason was driving an ATV on his family farm when he hit a live power line that had fallen down. He was in a coma for three days and spent another nine days in the hospital before returning home as a bilateral amputee.

“Those first days, weeks and months were so overwhelming,” Jenny told us in a recent interview. “It was so difficult, and if we didn’t literally have an entire village, it would not have gone the way that it did. We had our church bringing us food, people cleaning our house and babysitting the girls so that I could get Jason to the doctor. Everyone stepped in and did something.”

Jason-Billie

“I had just returned to work two days before Jason’s accident. Afterward, they held my position for as long as possible, but going back to work didn’t happen. The girls were just too little, and Jason often needed more help than they did.”

Jason and Family walking
Jenny, Jason and their two girls.

It took Jenny ten years to get back to work. Part of the delay was because about four years after Jason’s accident, Jenny gave birth to their third child, a son they named Axell. Jenny: “I’m very thankful that we had Axell, but it was doubly hard. I didn’t have all the help I’d had when Cambell was small. Jason was great at using his prostheses, but he couldn’t change Axell’s diaper or fix his bottles. And with the girls running around at three and five years old, it was a lot. This was not how I pictured my life going. But we got through it.”

As a parent, Jason has been as active as possible with his children. Right after his accident, a doctor asked Jason to name a goal that was very important to him and Jason said that he wanted to be able to hold his daughters in his arms again. Jason has become very adept at using his prostheses, especially after heading to the Arm Dynamics center in Dallas, where for the first time, he was fit with comfortable, pain free sockets.

“There were a lot of times that Jason had to figure things out on his own. Over time we had less help from family and friends, and I would have to focus on helping the girls.” Jenny explained. “You know, if one of them had thrown up or had a dirty diaper, they couldn’t be patient and wait while I helped Jason. It was the other way around. If Jason needed something, it could take some time for him to get it, but he was motivated to keep trying."

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Jenny, Jason and their three kids.

"My kids don’t know the difference. Jason being a bilateral amputee is normal to them. The girls were too little to remember how it was before, and Axell was born after. For them, it’s never been ‘This is weird,’ or ‘This is hard.’ If Dad needs something out of his pocket, and they can help, they don’t even think about it. They go and they help. While Jason can do so many things, he can’t do everything. There are things he needs help with.”

“We were somewhere recently, and someone said, ‘Wow, I can’t believe he can do those things.’ I thought, ‘Oh, yeah.’ It’s just our normal. The four of us, me and the kids, I think you could say that we’re too close to the miracle. It’s hard for us to think about or remember that it really is great that he’s successful and can still provide for our family and be a dad and do all those things, because it’s just what we’re used to.”

Jenny attributes Jason’s successes to God. “When Jason and I were in the hospital right after the accident, we both said ‘You know what? God’s going to get us through this. One way or another, we’re going to figure this out.’ And we saw so many times how God would just put the right person in the right place at the right time.”

“After Jason’s amputation, there were people who were willing to help, and not just willing to help, but would show up. My advice to the spouse of someone who has had an amputation is to be open to accepting help. I know some people have a hard time with it, but it is the best thing you can do for your spouse and yourself. People want to help and you’re going to have to let them.”

“My advice to people who want to help someone after an amputation — family, friends, coworkers, church members, community members — don’t say ‘Hey, let me know what I can do.’ Just say, ‘You know what, I’m bringing dinner. I’m coming over. I’m gonna do your laundry. I’m going to take your kids to the park, so you can take a nap.’

“Jason obviously had to go through the awfulness of having two amputations, but for me, for the spouse, the to-do list never gets shorter. Before I was a wife and a mom — then suddenly I’m also a caregiver. I needed those deeper relationships, and not just for the help, I needed to be able to talk to someone, be able to tell them about how things were difficult and have them listen. I needed to be able to vent about life to someone that wasn’t Jason. And then I also needed the lovely woman who came and insisted on cleaning my house. And the friends of Jason’s who came over to sit with him and watch the girls and told me to go ahead and leave the house for several hours. All those people are needed.”

Jason is now 16 years post-amputation and life is rolling along. Billie Grace is graduating from high school. Jason has been an excellent patient of our Arm Dynamics clinical team, participating in our symposiums and allowing us to present case studies on his success as a prosthesis user. He’s also written a book! Jenny is an instructional assistant, and part of our peer support group for spouses of amputees, and, of course, a great interviewee.

If you or someone you know is in need of prosthetic care for upper limb loss or an upper limb difference, please contact us. We not only provide holistic prosthetic care to each of our patients, but we also provide support for their family members by directing them to resources we think they may benefit from. If you’d like to comment with your own perspective as the spouse of an amputee, or you’d like to leave a comment for Jenny, please do so below.

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